When Clouds Disappear

About two years ago, I had wrapped my mind with such negative feelings towards others. Not only to a single person but few people who have been my best company before. I laugh at them, cheer with them, play with them, had long talks with them and even treat their home like mine. But a sudden change had gone by that separates us, we have conflicts, we fought and even to the extent that we have hurt each other’s feeling in the most unbelievable ways. We had resentments for a very long period of time and it seems that the other party was not willing to do so.

In my side, that particular person also told me that it was a gift from me that it was easy for me to forgive those who had hurt me… But in our case, I’ve gone through a long fight for my feelings towards them. The scar they made was too deep to diminish; I have lost something valuable because of them and that cannot take back since the damage is irrevocable. If somehow I will be given a chance to revenge I will do so whole heartedly.

After some time, the chance I’ve been waiting for has finally come. The door has opened for me to revenge and do the same thing for them. Not by telling some lies or speculations like what they did but to tell the truth and every fact that I know. Suddenly, I just can’t! Though I hate them so much, it’s not that simple. I know that they deserve it somehow, but I can’t even move just one nerve against them, and I just can’t help but feel vulnerable.

I prayed a lot to help me forget about it. I had forgiven them but I just can’t forget it, and that made me feel I’m not 100% sincere with my feelings towards them.  And though I prayed for it somehow, my heart and mind was not willing to cooperate.

All those times I’ve been thinking about these facts:

• Romans 12:17-21

Return evil for evil to no one. Provide fine things in the sight of all men. If possible, as far as it depends upon YOU, be peaceable with all men. Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but yield place to the wrath; for it is written: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah.” But, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing this you will heap fiery coals upon his head.” Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.

• Matthew 5:23-24

“If, then, you are bringing your gift to the altar and you there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away; first make your peace with your brother, and then, when you have come back, offer up your gift.

• Matthew 5:43-44

“YOU heard that it was said, ‘You must love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ However, I say to YOU: Continue to love YOUR enemies and to pray for those persecuting YOU;

The bible was right, but the truth is that, it’s easy to say but hard to make it happen. Whenever I pray for it, I always give myself some reasons that making peace with them depends on how they act. I make such excuses like “I had forgiven them long time ago but I’m just waiting for them to come over to me and approach me… and that’s all I need since they are the one who started it and I am the victim.”

Every time I test myself in that reasoning, it always ends up ignoring what I had learned.

Lately, one thing happen that changed it all. And it’s my chance to test myself again, and make peace not based on what they are going to act but based on how I am going to act. My “so-called-friends-and-foes” had faced a big trouble or let me just say a tragedy. Knowing the fact that one of them suddenly passed away, I am expecting that I will not regret that instead it made me feel sorry about it. Though we don’t have time to talk again about that issue, I know they needed comfort. Though they don’t need me at all, I still want to pay for a visit, sincerely.

Romans 12:17 was right “…If possible, as far as it depends upon YOU, be peaceable with all men.” And Matthew 5:44 “…pray for those persecuting YOU”. I know it would be a little hard for me to do so, but before I go to the funeral, I prayed and ask Jehovah to help me not to feel the same way I feel for them two years ago and help me to forget everything. And now that I’m open to it, my prayer was answered. The moment I talked to them, I felt a big burden just come out inside me and now I’m free to breath.

When I went home, I will never regret that visit. A visit that made me realize how it feels like to fully forgive someone who had hurt you so badly. Though there could be some remaining clouds above my head, thinking what they might feel about my sincerity- if they may take it positively or negatively – but I blew it all away. What they think towards me, it’s none of my liabilities anymore.

And as I had finished watching a “I Hear Your Voice”, the lesson is clear.

“If you revenge on the same thing that they did to you, does it make you different from them? Absolutely in other way around, you’ll become just like them in the end” and “Don’t waste your time hating someone, for you’ll be wasting your whole life that you must live happily”

In the end of it all, when the cloud all disappears in my head, it’s all worth living for.

 

September 2, 2013

5:14pm

Wind Up Knight's Great Little Thoughts

I downloaded this "Wind-Up Knight" application on my mobile phone about a year ago, and some of the tips it taught me still stocked in my mind that helped me positively and I also wanna share it with you and may remind you as well :)

So let’s start this up with:

And that’s right! I wonder why women have to wear excessive make-up? I remember what my officemate told me “who in the world had invented make-up?”, because as far as we are both concerned, we hate the fact that the Store Manager’s had implemented “No make-up, No Entry” policy since we never wanted wearing make-up at all. And we are in the state of calamity! Hahaha.. I know, make-up makes one’s working environment more formal and presentable, but would it make it more formal and presentable if it’s excessive? I don’t think so… So every day of our lives at work we have to make battles like a skirmish with guards on duty about our make-up letting them to notice that we have make-up on and they just don’t notice :D

And yes, natural beauty is such a pride!

This is one of the rules I had never mastered! I always love to talk, and when it comes to argument, I always wanted to talk first to insist I've got the right point… But I always end up losing and opens a new door for argument. Whew! And this made me realize, you've got a point here dear, but I just couldn't take it and made me feel vulnerable. I guess at this point, I also have to lower down my pride. Guy’s who let their woman talk first are considered gentlemen, but when a woman let her man talks first, she made him feel important to her. Weather my point is right or wrong, I really have to give way. So, which one are you going to choose?

Writing journals got most of my time during high school and college years. Whenever I felt lonesome, writing my thoughts in my Journal had been my outlet to outburst my hidden emotions.  But as time passed by, I decided to resign from it. Reading all over again made me feel sad about my troubles from the past and brings out the emptiness I felt way back then, a negative nostalgia runs into my veins and it doesn't made me feel better at all. So I decided to quit even writing the happiest moments of my life, thinking that it will made me feel sorry if those moments I have and shared with the people who are dear to me and they leave suddenly. But this tip made me realized something important from keeping a journal, and in a positive way. If I just keep on writing good things in it, thus, when I try to look back and scribble the pages all over again, it will made me feel blessed and how my life had been wonderfully made. What a good thought it could be!

Today, you are left by traditions if you won’t wear miniskirts or seductive dress. But as the bible say’s in 1 Timothy 2:9, 10

“Likewise I desire the women to adorn themselves in well‐arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind, not with styles of hair braiding and gold or pearls or very expensive garb, but in the way that befits women professing to reverence God, namely, through good works.”

Very practical wisdom! Little did some woman realized, they had been verbally abused because of their poor way of implementing dress standard for themselves. Some thinks that wearing attractive dress makes them feel attractive and sexy but it always end up being attractive to possible negative comments and responses. So girls, I you want to be respected, dress-up respectfully:)

Do I still have to explain it further? Ephesians 6:1-3 has it all..

“”Children, be obedient to ​YOUR​ parents in union with [the] Lord, for this is righteous:  “Honor your father and [your] mother”; which is the first command with a promise: “That it may go well with you and you may endure a long time on the earth””

Who wants a lousy partner anyway? Can you imagine yourself screaming for help and your “so-called-Light-in-Shining-Armored-Prince” has got nowhere to find and had run away right before you? Of course the strength we are considering doesn’t only come with the physical strength but also strong in handling relationship and strong spiritually. He had the ability to control over women’s outrageous behavior, and driving through the right path of relationship.

These are the little thoughts I found interesting in that application, and can accomplish great things when it should be applied... but of course though these can gave ample of advises  still the best one where we can get reliable facts, tips and rules always comes from the word of God, the Bible… Take time to read it sometimes, your eyes won’t hurt, promise:)

June 25, 2013

3:20pm

A Living Toy

I often hear about the saying “Dogs are Mens Best Friend” but a facebook page changes the idea in it, “Dog’s are Family”

I’m not writing this stuff not just because I love dogs, but because I saw something special in them that humans can imitate.

Before, I was so scared being alone at home without my brothers in the background, I bought a puppy with my boyfriend, and we named him Tootie – because  he has noticeably sharp tooth and he make use of it to the fullest! Biting bones, shoes, slippers, books, cd’s, mobile phone chargers, hangers...  and everything he feel like biting, never mind about the cost due to his biting vices… He messed up most of the time at home and my brothers feel like he’s burdensome attitude stress them to the highest level :D

There come a time when I just wanna take him out of the apartment and exile him to Tarlac. But no matter how we scold him or beat him (for a lesson due to his misbehavior), he’s “paawa effect style” ruins everything, and you can’t help it but forgive him… No matter how hard you are, and even you don’t give him food as punishment, he did his job from guarding your home, cuddles you unexpectedly, put his head and lean unto you, and do all he can just to please you… Whenever I’m stressed out from my daily routine at work, he absorbs it like a sponge instantly! When I feel down, he comforts me without a word (coz he can’t talk anyway.. he only know how to bark, hahaha) and he always know how to behave when it is needed.

It’s so amazing how a living creature like them can touch lives in an indefinite manner. Jehovah really made them for a purpose.

For his invisible [qualities] are clearly seen from the world’s creation onward, because they are perceived by the things made, even his eternal power and Godship, so that they are inexcusable. -Romans 1:20

June 25, 2013
1:39pm

Decision Maker

Yes? No? Maybe? Never? It sounds confusing though what decisions you have to make everyday. And it happens to me all the time... I felt like I'm offshore without knowing what to do and no directions that I have to follow... And I really need someone to tell me what to do.. but no, I think it's something.. not someone...

I had faced some difficulties with my parents these past few weeks, and it was really hard for me to deal with. My dad was leaving for work away from home for couple of months. He send message on my mobile phone telling me that he was in the airport already. My mom and brother was asking if I can make it to the airport to see my dad before he leaves. My mind was confused weather to go or not to go. If i'll go, I'm sunk with my pride and pretend as if we never had an argument before. But if I won't go, what will he's going to think about me? Rebellious? A child who doesn't even care about anything? What should I do? Ottoke? nado molla! :(

So in order for me to make decision abruptly... I searched for a top rated Decision Maker  Application in Google Play for my Android Phone to help me out to make decision in an instant. And gotcha! I run the application and start using it.. The first answer to my question is "No" so it means the decision maker tells me "not to go", then I roll the wheel all over again trying to convince myself about the answer. For the second time around the arrow goes for "No", but then again I give myself another try, and it goes for "yes"...

While letting the wheel turn for the decision my mom keep on texting asking if I should go. Thinking about the Decision Maker's decision, and the present circumstances I had, I finally made up my mind.

I stepped out of the office, and take that 5-minute-ride to the airport.
While on my way to the airport, I just then realized, that in making decision or decisions, it doesn't matter what will others will tell you to do or even what do that Decision Maker Application tells you, what your heart was telling you does really matters. Because even if your confused, you have to make a decision on your own in the end, and see for yourself that you will never regret the decision you made.

03.15.2013
9:52am